The Chronicles ofthe otherNarnia:Prince Casphian
by Narnian1995
Summary: In another world- another Narnia- Evil and humour have destroyed what was once known to be a happy land.
1. Chapter 1 The Roots

The Chronicles of [the other] Narnia:

Prince Casphian

Due to copyright issues, some of the original names of the characters have been altered.

also. None of the storyline here is meant to be an offense to C.' writings.

Dr. Corn: Casphian, time for school.

Casphian: It's 2:30 in the morning…

Dr. Corn: Astronomy.

Casphian: I have a better idea… Let's just google image our search for new constellations! [Big smile]

Dr. Corn: [dead stare]

Casphian: I'll be there in five minutes.

---twenty minutes later---

Dr. Corn: Casphian.

Casphian: AGH! [Jumps out of bed]

---five minutes later---

Dr. Corn: Casphian, look there. Those stars are gonna align and it will do something important. :-)

Casphian: …Such as?

Dr. Corn: Umm….

Casphian: OOOOK….

Dr. Corn: Class dismissed.

Casphian: Yay! That was a [really] long lesson :S

Dr. Corn: Yeah, sure. Oh, I found this and thought you might be interested. And since you've been such a good little boy lately…

Casphian: Woohoo! Presents!

Dr. Corn: Here ya go. [Hands Casphian a trombone]

Casphian: …What is it?

Dr. Corn: An ancient artifact of international importance.

Casphian: The constitution?

Dr. Corn: No.

Casphian: Whatta I do with it?

Dr. Corn: You will blow into that hole there, and it will summon the kings and queens of old. It will deliver us from the sheer evil and tyranny of the most horrific-ist evil villain our world has ever seen.

Casphian: The Obama administration?

Dr. Corn: Your uncle, Mirazin.

Casphian: Oh, him.

Dr. Corn: Only blow into it at your greatest need.

Casphian: OK. So if evil munchkins from the land of Oz start attacking me with cream pies and soda pop then I blow into it here?

Dr. Corn: …

Casphian: What if the Tellamarines are attacking me with spears and swords to please Mirazin?

Dr. Corn: That would be the idea.

[horn blows in distance; "Queen Prunuhprismiuh has had a son!"]

Dr. Corn: You must hurry.

Casphian: Oh my Asham! I must hurry!

[Casphian grabs a hotrod motorcycle and veers off into the darkness]

Tellamarine soldier #1: Get him! He stole my motorcycle!

Casphian: Woohoo, riding in STYLE.

[Casphian goes into the dark, spooky forest]

Tellamarine soldier #1: General Gazelle, what should we do?

Gazelle: Stop acting like superstitious old grapefruits and follow me.

[Tellamarines enter the dark, spooky forest]

Casphian: They'll never find me… Heck, I can barely even hear myself talking. [wink ;-)]

[Cannot hear anything over his motorcycle's revving]

Tellamarine soldier #1: How will we find him?

Gazelle: … … … Seriously? [listens to loud revving]

Tellamarine soldier #1: We can't hear where he's going over my motorcycle's revving!

Gazelle: [dead stare]

Tellamarine soldier #1: OOOOh…. He's on my motorcycle… [blush :-}]

Casphian: [turns on hotroddy music to channel '7 Chronicles'] *sings along* I'm one awesome Tellamarine… Oh, a text! *looks at phone*

Tree: No texting while driving. *fwacks Casphian in the head*

Casphian: OOOWW!!!

[Casphian now falls onto the ground, right next to Dumpkin and Doveyhunter and Dipabrick's house]

------------TO BE CONTINUED------------

[sorry for the sheer randomness.]

The Chronicles of [the other] Narnia:

Prince Casphian

Dumpkin: What on earth..?

Casphian: Ow…

Doveyhunter: Hurry, get him inside!

Dumpkin: *Sees tellamarines*

Dipabrick: Well let the tellamarines have him and let's get outta here!

Dumpkin: GehYEEEOAH!!! *attacks*

Gazelle: Look boys, a garden gnome!

Tellamarines: *run away*

Gazelle: Give up!

Dumpkin: Oh, you got me…

Gazelle: Haha!

Casphian: *grabs trombone, blows and blows like crazy*

Dipabrick: YEEOUCH, you need practice! *covers head with bag*

Disclaimer: Do not cover heads with bags.

HOOONNNKKK!!!

*Car chases after lucy*

Lucky: I didn't take it!!!

*car honks again*

Lucky: AGHH!!!!! *throws purse back towards car*

*person in car curses at the little girl who attempted to steal her purse*

Geeky Kid *next 2 Susin* Hello.

Susin: Hey.

Geeky Kid: I go to henden house. I seen you sitting by yourself.

Susin: Well, actually…

Geeky Kid: *kneels down* Will you do me the honor… of becoming my bride?

Susin: *eye twitches* I'm in a movie that I fall in love with a totally good looking prince so I'm currently taken at the moment.

Geeky Kid: Hrmph. Can I be your flower girl?

Susin: Errrrrrrmmmm…

Lucky: Susin!

Susin: What is it now?

Lucky: I did what you told me too…

Susin: Shh, Lu!

Lucky: I got catched L

Susin: Oh! *looks at geeky kid* We were playing a game.

Lucky: No, that's how you became a millionare at home, sending me out on life or death missions to end poverty in our family once and for all by stealing other people's fortune! *winks* But I'll keep it a secret. It's safe with me J

Geeky Kid: I take back my proposal.

Lucky: Oh, and Pete's in a mess again.

Susin: What's new?

*go into train station*

Pete: *FWAP!* Kid, you messed with the wrong person!

Kid: I'm a four-year blackbelt!

Pete: I ruled a country for 5 years, killed countless enemies, and made an ogre kneel to me.

Kid: I give!

*whistle blows*

Susin: So what was it this time?

Pete: He… he… it wasn't anything I did. I was protecting Lucky!

Lucky: I'm a secretive little pit pocket, I am!

Susin: *glares* What???

Lucky: I tried to take his lunch money. And his lunch x]

Susin: You have serious issues.

Lucky: Ow, something pinched me!

Susin: Trying to change the subject, huh?

Edmuncher: *slaps pete* YOW!

Susin: *falls downward*

Pete: *kicks himself*

Lucky: Magic is painful!!!

Susin: The train just made us go back to Narnia!

*look at a burning cauldron of death*

Lucky: This is NOT the Narnia I remember.

*voice of asham* oops, wrong island.

*train zooms to Narnia*

Lucky: AW, the Nice ocean air!

*walks out of small cave in which they were*

*tree falls from top of cave*

Edmuncher: OOOUCHHH!!! IT LANDED ON MY FEETS!!!

Lucky: Hey, there's a way to crack your toes with minimal effort! Hey….

*People in our world turn on the tv, to see Lucky appear*

Lucky: Welcome to Feet Cracker's Associated, where we focus on cracking your toes!

Option 1: The boring, hard manual finger way.

Option 2: Have your heartless siblings help you, then do something horrid to your feet. *shows smiley

face drawn in permanent marker on the bottom of their feets*

Option 3: Have Feet Cracker's Associated help you! They will drop trees, computer towers, and

bricks to offer painless measures to crack your toes.

*shows Lucky smiling *

-back in narnia:-

-----------TO BE CONTINUED-----------

Casphian: oWwWw… what happened?

Doveyhunter: We can't kill him now. That would be just wrong!

Dipabrik: Well… Then we should enslave him for the rest of eternity.

Doveyhunter: *glares*

Dipabrik: Why do you like him, anyways?

Doveyhunter: Man, if we could get him on our side, the whole fangurl fanbase will beat a path to our door. We could win the war. Who knows, the experiment might just work.

Casphian: WHAT?! *jumps out* You are subjecting me to horrible experiments of evil?!

Dipabrik: The boy's scared of girls.

Casphian: Well… fangurls. They're creepy, I tell you!!

Dipabrik: He's got a point.

Doveyhunter: Well… maybe your rugged good looks can convince the minotaurs to join in the fight against the tellamarines instead of trampling and killing you they're such good neighbors…

Capshian: I wantz my mommy

Dipabrik: Look, pretty boy, you need to man up. You are our hero

------back with the Pevensees------

Lucky: Ooh, I wonder if we can steal from the royal treasury.

Pete: Whattya mean?

Lucky: We're at cair paravel!

Susin: I thought we were supposed to have a moment of happiness and realization as we saw in the Prince Caspian movie. What you just said was totally out of the blue.

Lucky: WHO CARES?

Edmuncher: Stealing from the royal treasury would be pointless. We own the royal treasury…

Lucky: *happy face turns to a frown* Well… *brightens up* Maybe the people who were kings and queens after us added more to the treasury! Let's look!

-Pete punches the royal treasury down, and grabs Edmuncher's torch right out of his pouch-

Edmuncher: Hey! That's mine.

Pete: Well… I thought that was kinda weird… I was gonna rip my shirt to use as a torch, but when I saw you had a 2000 candle light flashlight, I decided to go 21st century.

Edmuncher: Makes sense.

-they walk in-

Lucky: *tenses up* I wonder what's in here!!! OOH!! WE'LL BE RICH, BABY!! LAS VEGAS, HERE I COME!!

Pete: Oh look, a lightswitch! *flicks*

The light switch reveals: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Lucky: Football gear? What the heck? What kinda royal treasury is this? Oh, look over there. :"}

-everyone looks-

Lucky: *eyeballs fall out of sockets* I'M RICH. Richer than I could ever imagine!!!! I'll be POPULAR!!

Pete: Guys, there might be some kinda booby trap…

-Lucky runs forward, triggering a big rock to fall down-

Lucky: OH, COME ON!! –rolls eyes, while singing the Indiana jones theme song-

Pete: Oh, snap.

Susin: *gets splatted by the rock* this might mess up my complexion.

Edmuncher: *opens mouth wide and wider* ---CHOMP!CHOMP!CHOMP!--- Guys, the rock is now officially gone. I ated it

Lucky: Look at all this loot! I'm rich! I'm so LUCKY!!

*sings* /lucky, lucky lucky! Lucky, lucky lucky!/ *stops*

Pete: Look, my shield and sword!

Susin: Someone someone stole my bow and horn…

Lucky: Aw, I thought you wouldn't notice… -passes bow-

Susin: And the horn.

Lucky: I didn't take it! Honest!

Susin: *grabs lucky by the heels, and shakes*

-tons of coins, the kid next door's lunch [ew] and tons more, but no horn falls out.-

Lucky: I toldcha so.

Susin: Okay… I wonder where it is?

Edmuncher: *eats the kid next door's lunch [ew]*

Susin: Ew?

Pete: Ew?

Lucky: Can I has some?!! :D

-----------TO BE CONTINUED-----------

Casphian: I'm a little teapot!

Doveyhunter: You have the strangest habits.

Casphian: Look, I'm not who you think I am.

Dipabrik: Actually, you're not. You're shorter than we imagined.

Casphian: That's my line!!!

Lucky: Why do you think we were brought here?

Susin: Maybe Narnia's been usurped by the prince's evil uncle, bringing the world of Narnia into ruin over thousands of years. But its just a guess.

Edmuncher: Mr. Tumnus---and the beavers--- they're all gone.

Lucky: Ah, what a shame. I hope they left something for me in their will.

Edmuncher: You ungrateful little…

Pete: I think we need to help the Narnians...Since I'm such an excellent role model, I'll lead. Let's find 'em.

Gazelle: It is not what you think.

Moraz: Then what is it? It looks menacing!!! *points at the horror*

Gazelle: THAT is my lunch.

Moraz: Then what did you want to show me?

Gazelle: This *pulls off blanket*

Moraz: What is it?

Gazelle: We're not exactly sure.

Trumpkin: Does someone need a hug?

Moraz: We can use him for world domination!!!

---in the court, later that day---

Moraz: We have found this little person breeding like cockroaches under a rock!

Trumpkin: Yeah, and cockroaches can't be sqooshed.

Moraz: *tiny pat on trumpkin's cheek* You naughty boy.

Trumpkin: *sarcastic* Ouuucch..

Moraz: The world must be rid of these vermin!

Trumpkin: GOPHERS!!!

Gazelle: AGHOUGH!!!

*everyone dashes for cover*

Moraz: Blast! He's duked us! He's getting away!

Soapespian: What was that all about?

Gazelle: He that looketh upon the gopher without killing it shall have their head cut off.

Soapespian: Brutal.

---meanwhile---

Telmarine #1: I think we're s'posed to wait for the prisoner to have us drown him, Bob.

Bob: Who cares? We'll drown him once we get out into the water!

Telmarine #1: Gosh! We don't have him in the boat yet!

Bob: GEEZ! We'll drown him once we get out into the water!!!

Telmarine #1: Why do I even try…

*the Telmarines cast off the boat into the middle of a lake*

*Trumpkin does a run and jump*

*Trumpkin jumps into the boat*

Trumpkin: Please, I have a worse death coming up. Hurry! Get on with it!

Bob: Toldcha so.

---meanwhile---

Lucky: Can I see you bow, Susin?

Susin: no way, no how.

Lucky: Aww, I thought you would've said yes so I already took it…

Susin: Lucky!!!

Lucky: Don't worry! Ed's o.k. It only skinned him! Gosh, that thing flew fast.

Susin: Good thing that the 100% accuracy rating is only for me.

Lucky: Here's your bow.

*susin puts it on*

Lucky: So, how do you shoot this thing?

Susin: How in the world?! How'd you take that?

Lucky: Oh look, a boat! *aims*

Susin: NOOO!!!

Lucky: *slow motion* III'mmm aaaa ggoonnnaaa shoootttt noooww!!!!!!

Susin: NooOoOoOoOoOoooo!!!

Pete: Who knew people could move so slow?

Edmuncher: I wish I were that slow so I could savor my food longer… *yum*

Susin: There's a dwarf in there!

Lucky: Think he'll pay us if we set him free?

Susin: Is that all you care about in life?

Lucky: No. Winning the lottery is better than a payday.

*x.x*

Telmarine #1: Yo, I caught a fish!

Bob: I caught a whale.

Susin: Drop him!!!

Bob: *cuts string to the whale that is pulling the boat to its side*

Telmarine #1: NOOO!!!

*Trumpkin falls into the water, and the Telmarines are flinged towards the horizon*

Pete: I'll save him!

Lucky: *pushes through* I'm the hero here! *jumps in*

--=-Lucky saves Trumpkin, and sets him free with her dagger-=--

Trumpkin: Drop him?! That's the best you could come up with.

Lucky: I deserve the attention here!!! You owe me… say… $3,475. Also, my insurance agent doesn't like that stunt. So… +$1,000…

Pete: We were glad to save you.

Trumpkin: You smell like lobster.

Pete: I've heard that one before *stares and lucky*

Lucky: Hey, You! Time to pay up, dwarf. I don't work for free!

Trumpkin: Is the kid serious?

Susin: You wouldn't believe it, but…

Edmuncher: Hey guys, anyone got a toothbrush? I need to brush some of my 300 teeth.

Trumpkin: What are you guys, mutants?!


	2. Chapter 2 Of evil and bear sandwiches

Meanwhile, in the dark, spooky lair of Mirazin...

Mirazin: Pass my barbies, Gazelle...

Gazelle: Don't you think you're a little bit old to be playing with dolls?

Mirazin: I'm not 'playing'. I'm using them for my battle plan.

Gazelle: Pardon?

Mirazin: The barbies are my armies.

Gazelle: YOU COMPARE MY MEN TO LITTLE GIRLS TOYS?!!!

Mirazin: These ones are the Narnians.

Gazelle: Those are beanie babies.

Mirazin: Stick with my explanation, fool!

Gazelle: Sorry, my lord.

Mirazin: They are breeding like cockroaches here--- er, I've said this before, right?

Gazelle: -SIGHS- yes. Yes you have.

Mirazin: OK. They're hiding here- in the woods.

Gazelle: The toothpicks?

Mirazin: Yes.

Gazelle: I can see where they're hiding--- doesn't that mean they're not hiding?

Mirazin: Stop taking me for everything I say.

Gazelle: Yessir.

Mirazin: We will strike when they aren't looking.

Meanwhile, back with the Pevensies...

Pete: Its getting dark out.

Dumpkin: Everything's dark since you lot left us... since ASHAM abandoned us.

Edmuncher: I have a warm, fuzzy feeling inside!

Dumpkin: Asham used to create that feeling in me, too.

Pete: What happened?

Dumpkin: The world was taken over by pirates.

Susin: YOU KNOW WILL TURNER?!

Dumpkin: Real pirates.

Susin: WHY'D YOU GET MY HOPEZ UPZ?!

Lucky: Not like you'd marry him for true love. He's rich, though...

Susin: Oh, stop.

Pete: Isn't there any way we could help?

Dumpkin: WELL... THERE IS A NEW HOPE!

**star wars theme song**

Dumpkin: You guys.

Pete: I JUST GAGGED!

Susin: Pete can hardly even rake the leaves...

Lucky: I could be your insurance agent. How about it?!

Pete: What on earth are you talking about?!

Lucky: If you die in battle, I'll be there to help your family, er, me; help pay for the expense of your funeral.

Pete: You are absolutely revoltingly EVIL. 

Edmuncher: She has an awesome Ipod, though.

Lucky: Wanna see it, Dumpkin?!

Dumpkin: What's an Ipod...

Lucky: You can hear weird people sing through it! Its like they're really there.

Dumpkin: Creepy! Lemme see it!

-listens, and loves what he hears-

Dumpkin: My... Precious...

Lucky: You don't wanna fall in love with that song... that's Lady GAGA!

Dumpkin: You just sent shivers down my spine.

Lucky: I can't hear you over the microscopic sound waves emitted by the ipod. High tech, no?

Back with Casphian::::

Casphian: SO..... I think I can help you.

Narnian #1: Can you fight?

Casphian: …. No....

Narnian #2: Can you convince Mirazin to let us go into the world to make ourselves useful in the eyes of the entire enchilada-hating world?!

Casphian: What does even mean?!

Narnian #3: I have a solution to your problem. Dipabrik:

Dipabrik: LET'S KILL IT!!!

Casphian: NO, NO NO! Let's calm down, children. Let me show you what I GOTZ!

---shows Casphian sitting down, with the narnians on his lap, reading a beddy-bye book---

Casphian: And that's how the wonderful, beautiful Prince with gleaming black hair saved the world of Narnia from certain doom. The end!

Narnian #1: Let's elect him for president!

Narnian #2: woohoo!!!good idea!

Narnian #3: In the name of whirlygigs, let Reepicheeper talk!

Reepicheeper: Meep. Meep. Meep, meep.

Casphian: Pardon?

Narnian #3: He says: "Order a pizza in order for a celebration!!!!

Casphian: This is... abnormal...

Doveyhunter: You'd never've known, would you?

---Back with Mirazin---

Mirazin: Might I commence with my speech?

Soapespian: Whatever.

Mirazin: So that's why you should make me king.

Soapespian: Inspiring, Mirazin...almost makes me wanna go and buy some Zhu Zhu pets.

Mirazin: May the coronation begin!!!

Soapespian: The crown's over there. Go ahead, put it on... who am I to disobey you...

Prunaprismia: Yay, My hunnay's a king! I so pwoud of you, hunnay!

Mirazin: I am, after all, very amazing, right? Took a lot of convincing and hard work to get me this far.

---back with Casphian---

Casphian: We will take back what is ours!

Doveyhunter: We badgers remember well! We will let you lead us into battle! Reepicheeper: WE need weapons!

Reepicheeper: Meep. Meep! Hya-Meep!

---back with the pevensies, as they float in their boat---

Lucky: So... what's your job, Dumpkin?

Dumpkin: Why...

Lucky: So I can calculate your annual income...

Dumpkin: Why...?

Lucky: Because I can.

Dumpkin: I'm a dude who tastes different foods for the good of mankind.

Lucky: A critic?! You must be rich!

Dumpkin: There's more to life than being rich.

Lucky: Right... all the awesomness that comes with it is pretty important, too.

Dumpkin: What's the matter with this kid? Here's our stop, kids. Outta the boat nice n' easy now.

Lucky: I will search for treasure and gold! Riches in vast numbers!

Dumpkin: * rolls eyes *

Lucky: * sees the bear * 'ello there!

Edmuncher: My tummie's growling.

Susin: That's a bear!

Pete: ROFL!!!

Susin: How is that funny?! If she gets eaten, there goes all the money she earns for me!

Lucky: * Lookin' at the bear * Do you have auto insurance? I can guarantee a good rate...

Bear: Another darn salesperson. RAWRR!!!

Dumpkin: Give me your bow!!!

Susin: * reaches for the bow * Its not here!

Lucky: Acting funny, huh? * takes out bow *

Susin: YOU STOLED MY BOW AGAIN?!

Lucky: Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Bear: I don't need auto insurance.

Lucky: * aims * YOU WILL BUY AUTO INSURANCE!

Dumpkin: That kid takes it way too far...

Edmuncher: Bear sandwiches that we will stash in our pockets sound good now, don't they?

Dumpkin: You guys have made Narnia one savage place.

Bear: Dude-ette, I don't want to do this right now... * walks away *

Lucky: I'm putting this on your record! You'll owe me and my firm big time!!! I'LL SUE YOU!!! YOU WAIT AND SEE!!!

Dumpkin: Must be a Californian...


	3. Chapter 3 Sandwiches,Insurance,and Asham

Chapter 3: Of sanwiches, insurance, and asham.

Pete: Which way to Casphian?

Dumpkin smiles, and the music tensions.

Dumpkin: I know a way to a crossing near Beruna.

Pete: Then we're going the other way.

Dumpkin: Why is that?!

Pete: Because I'm smarter then everybody here.

Lucky: -whisper- He's talking to the gnats.

Pete: And off we go, ho!

Lucky: The road goes ever on and on... Oh look, Asham!

Pete: Don't be silly, Lu. There's no such thing as lions.

Lucky: Right over there! -falls into a hole-

Pete: Are you OK?!!!

Lucky: I'm sorta angering my insurance agent... all these mad stunts... my premium rates will go up...

Edmuncher: She's ok.

Lucky: I see a way down!

Dumpkin: Maybe you're worth something after all!

Lucky: I never thought you cared!!!

---the Pevensies are now down, and very close to Casphian's camp.---

Susin: Why do you think I didn't see Asham?

Lucky: Because you don't understand how to manage your finances.

Susin: You need to find a way out of this obsession for money... it's blinding you from being happy in life.

Lucky: Sometimes... I think I'm doing the right thing... then I see I'm not... so I count money and it makes me feel better.

Susin: It is SO HARD to have a decent, touching conversation with you.

Lucky: :-(

Susin: You need to take a look at what's really important.

Lucky: G'night.

Susin: G'night.

Lucky: -thinks of counting sheep.. counts pots of gold at the end of the rainbow guarded by a leprechaun that lets Lucky take as much money as she wants-

Lucky gets up. She walks around, stumbles a bit, and sees footprints.

A person that big must need a rather large travel agent bill, right?

She sees Asham, and all she previously thought disappeared.

Asham: Rise, Daughter of Eve. I have returned.

Lucky: Why haven't you come to save Narnia from the pirates?

Asham: Things never happen the same way twice, dear one.

Lucky: Narnia's never been invaded by pirates before.

Asham: You're missing the point.

Lucky: But if you only come when things are different, then how come you haven't saved Narnia?

Asham: I just explained, * hits head * Gosh. I can only save Narnia SO many times...

Lucky: how come... how come you made me the rich, popular queen of Narnia only to make me return home to my old life? I was finally making some profit...

Asham: You need to examine yourself. Not your pocketbook.

Lucky: Pocketbook(S) I have more than one pocketbook. I have, like, a ton---

Asham: Please, think about helping other people.

Lucky: I will... as soon as I retire...

*twig breaks *

Lucky: Ah! Wonder what that was..

'

Lucky looks around, wondering what it was.

Lucky: Its a beaver! No.... Its ASHAM!!!

Pete: SSHHH!!!

Lucky: What?

Pete: Its a minotaurus!

Lucky: I wonder if he has flood insurance!

Pete: LU....

Lucky: Right. I must control myself... share... maybe he needs boat insurance instead...

Pete: I'm pretty sure he's ok. Let's charge!

---==++CHARGE++==---

Casphian: Go away!

HYAW!

Fight ensues.

Casphian: Here's a rock for ya!

-throws boulder-

Pete: OUCCCH....

Lucky: I'M A HERO!!!

Casphian and Pete stare...

Lucky: Do you guys need life insurance? Sure looks like it! Subscribe now to take advantage of our extremely low rates!

Casphian: yOu.. YoU...You're the kings and queens of old!

Lucky: Yo.

Susin: Pete!

Reepicheeper: Meep! Meep, meep meep meep MEEP!

Doveyhunter: Hallelujah! You've finally arrived.

Susin: Why are you all staring at me?

Doveyhunter: I wasn't even looking at you.

Susin: That was a joke.

Pete: We're here to save Narnia!

Casphian: You're kids... younger than me...! Haha!

Pete: Can you fight?

Casphian: It hurts my complexion and Risks messing up my hair... I can scratch, bite, and STARE.

-Casphian stares-

Susin: -stares back-

Casphian: You... you're beautiful. WAS THAT OUT LOUD?!

Pete: Ermmmmmm

Edmuncher: Giggle Giggle!

Lucky: Hey. Name's lucky. THE Lucky. I win ever spin and win wheel, lottery, and investment I enter.

Casphian: What, is the kid serious? Haha!

Lucky: You better watch it.

Dumpkin: So much for congratulating me escaping certain death for you, Casphian.

Casphian: C. created you for MINOR role. You're only a so-so big deal.

Dumpkin: -glare-

Casphian: I need your help defeating the evil which has enslaved my country.

Pete: OHMYGOSH! Nancy Pelosi has infested NARNIA too?! NOO!!!

Casphian: Not exactly... Well, that too...

Pete: I hope you guys serve toast. Edmuncher needs.

Edmuncher: -Starts crying-

Casphian: This story just keep getting weirder and weirder...

Lucky: I once insured a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before I ate him...

Casphian: O.o

Lucky: Ed is his own science experiment! Look at all those teeth!

Edmuncher: -cries in pride-


	4. Chapter 4 ALTERED SCRIPT! oh, dear

Casphian: Narnia has a dire need for you ATM.

Lucky: An ATM? I need to make a deposit anyhow.

Casphian: At The Moment.

Edmuncher: I may not be the talkative type, but I'll talk now. Susin, you're looking weird at Casphian there.

Casphian: *looks at susin* Are you… a fangurl?

Susin: I'm a fangurl to whoever appreciates me. And heroes with streaming hair, a sword, and a cool accent.

Casphian: *sings triumphantly* MEEEEEE!!!!

Pete" Quick, Edmuncher! Next scene!

Edmuncher: *eats screen for the next scene.*

----Moraz and his Tellamarines are preparing for a dark deed.----

Moraz: WE KNOW YOU ARE ONE OF THEM.

Gazelle: Talk, and we may be merciful upon you.

Moraz: Or not.

-Moraz and Gazelle stare at a kid who's sitting on the side of the road, eating a McDonald's happy meal.-

Gazelle: I think he knows not of what we speak.

Kid: I know MORE than you think.

Moraz: Speak, vermin!

Kid: Yeah. I remember well. The Narnians are camped out at Aslan's How, awaiting the return of the kings and queens of old. But… its just a guess.

Moraz: Yer gooood.

Kid: Only as good as I need to be. Here's my card.

-Kid passes a card to Moraz-

Moraz: "Pudgy's Pigeon Catering"

Kid: Wrong card. -passes a new card-

Moraz: "AlphAssassin's Awesome Intelligence Agency"

Kid: -wink-

---Back with Casphian, where he is alone with Susin.---

Susin: I love you, you love me! We're in love after minutes passed: 30... With a great big hug and a smooch from me to you---

Casphian: I don't even know your name.

Susin: FEEL IT. MY NAME.

Casphian: -feels-

Susin: Well?

Casphian: Hmmm… -feels-

Susin: JUST SAY IT ALREADY.

Casphian: Errrmmm… Phyllis?

Susin: Millionares deserve better names, don't you think?

Casphian: Susin?

Susin: I can shoot arrows, too.

Casphian: Me too! -shoot arrow-

Asham: I HAVE RETURNED TO SAVE THE DAY!!!

-arrow flies in-

Asham: Oh darn.

-ouuuccchh-

Asham: I'll be back later… ouch…

Casphian: I shot that lion! I saved the day!

Susin: You're amazing, wonder boy.

---Edmuncher and Lucky stay in a tent---

Lucky: Do you think that I obsess over money? -counts the change she found under the cushions-

Edmuncher: You only obsess as much as you think- There's nothing wrong with liking money… just… its taken over your life.

Lucky: I guess… sorta… You won't tell anyone about this conversation, will you?

Edmuncher: No, lil sis. I owe you one from LWW.

-pete enters-

Pete: I have an idea.

-=+_Night Raid Counsel_+=-

Reepicheeper: MeEp.

Pete: What'd he say?

Doveyhunter: He says we could throw nuts at the Tellamarines!

Pete: OH, sure! SHUT UP.

Casphian: We could raid the castle.

Pete: That was my idea.

Casphian: Then we're agreed! -best buddy handshake-

----FOR YOUR INFORMATION.----

Narrator: Nevermind, I forget.

* * *

Lucky: What your saying is that we have to fight… here, or there… I have a better idea…

Pete: Let's hear it.

Lucky: We could bribe the Tellamarines with apples, then put BOMBS IN THE APPLES!

Pete: O.o

Casphian: I second the idea!

Pete: It needs some editing. We don't have any bombs.

Edmuncher: --coughs--

Casphian: That is disgusting!!!

Edmuncher: --now has a stick of dynamite--

Lucky: Remember? I always keep weapons in Ed just in case of emergency.

Casphian: Isn't that dangerous?

Lucky: NAH. What's the worst that could go wrong?

----later that day----

Moraz: And then I went like this! -waltzez to the other side of the tent- And I sang to the beeeeeeautiful day! Like this! -LAAALAALAA!!! Gasplort!!!

KABLOOEY!!!!

Moraz: -falls over-

----in Aslans how----

Lucky: So THAT'S how you initiate bomb sequence.

Edmuncher: I lost like 20 teeth.

Casphian: MY HAIR!!!!!!!!!

Susin: Hey, dashing. Your hair looks inferior.

Casphian: This is your fault, PETE!

Pete: Ayuuugh!!! -pulls out sword-

Lucky: Stop! Your getting into your Prince Caspian movie-era altered character sources.

Pete: She's right. We'll just have to go along with the night raid.

Casphian: I'm gonna say something witty to counteract your proposition.

Lucky: Oh, go eat a dollar.

Casphian: Are you insulting me?

Lucky: SHOULD I CALL YM LAWYER?!

Casphian: Nevermind.

Lucky: I might just decide to press charges.

Edmuncher: This is enough. THE STORY IS GETTING CLOGGED!!!

* * *

--Edmuncher clears the history of this story.--

History: Today: None.

History: (In the last week): None.

History: (Future): Possibly.

* * *

Susin: aW, fresh air.

Lucky: I feel like suing the oil companies.

Susin: you have a strange form of weirdness.

Edmuncher: Everybody slow down.

Susin: What is your proposition, Ed?

Edmuncher: We skip past some of the script.

Susin: NOOO!!! That'll give me and Casphian less time together!

Casphian: I wish we had more time together.

Lucky: Save it for the judge.

Casphian: Well, maybe we could just skip past the night raid.

Lucky: The idea has merit. We can skip the disaster that was the night raid!

WHERE TO GO NEXT? NO IDEA.


	5. Casphian: The Second Last Chapter

Meanwhile, in the lair of Miraz...

[Miraz] -checks watch- They should've attacked us by now.

[Sopespian] Maybe they knew it was a trap.

[Miraz] But how... how could they know?

-messenger walks in-

[Messenger] Lord Sopespian, I have warned the Narnians.

[Sopespian] Heh. Heh.

[Miraz] I WONDER HOW THEY KNEW?

-in a dark, scary place where the stone table resides-

[Werewolf] Did you bring the knife?

[Hag] Yhssss...

[Werewolf] Lemme see it.

-werewolf uses knife to cut PB&J sandwich down the corners-

[Werewolf] You're such a good friend. -sips chocolate milk-

NOTE: AUTHOR IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR RANDOMNESS. Well, sorta.

[Pete] So. How do we go about destroying the Tellamarine Army?

[Lucky] Beer lures any man.

[Edmuncher] How about we meet them in the open and fight like men?

...all quiet...

[Pete] Good idea, Lucky! Very creative. Edmuncher, I see the cellar needs someone to peel potatoes.

[Edmuncher] .

-arguing back and forth continues for some time-

[Susin] Wassup, Casphian?

[Casphian] I'm not supposed to talk to distractions.

[Susin] Trust me. Everyone will love how we fall in love together in the movie! :D

[Casphian] ...besides me

[Pete] I GOT IT! We'll use beer to lure them in!

[Lucky] That was my idea!

[Pete] But I labelled it as my own, so consider yourself disenfranchised.

[Lucky] You been studying my 'Money Scams' book again, haven't you?

[Pete] You stole my book? I'm suing.

[Susin] Let's all calm down. Anyone here know how to win a battle?

[Doveyhunter] I know KUNG-FU! WHA-CHA! -tackles Casphian in the head-

-casphian stumbles, taking multiple blows to the head :P -

[Pete] Stop playing, Casphian, we have a battle plan to create.

[Lucky] Someone should help the poor guy.

[Edmuncher] Which one?

[Lucky] Doveyhunter, of course. He could sprain a muscle.

[Casphian] Wouldn't want the old guy to get hurt.

[Doveyhunter] I AM NOT OLD! -tackles again-

[Susin] You're so brave, Casphian.

[Casphian] You really think so?

[Lucky] -whisper- ...noo...

[Susin] You're amazing.

[Casphian] -feels the strength of 10 men within him!-

sadly, the ten men never grew up.

-Casphian falls over, as Doveyhunter throws off his glasses and tackles Casphian again.-

-LATER THE NEXT DAY-

[Casphian] -in the hospital-

[Doveyhunter] Didja see me? I was on fiah!

[Casphian] Ouuuwwwch

[Doveyhunter] Coulda been worse. See, I coulda hit your broken tailbone, like this!

-WHAAAM!-

[Casphian] TEH PAIN!

[Doveyhunter] That should teach ya.

[Susin] I always love a man completely covered in casts.

[Casphian] Thanks. Every time I'm near you, I feel radiant. My black hair, flying in the breeze.

[Doveyhunter] How's your hair doing?

[Casphian] You chewed it out. -ooowww-

[Lucky] Hey, you got life insurance?

[Casphian] You've asked me that before.

[Lucky] Your body wasn't broken before.

-knock knock knock-

[Lucky] Come in!

[Mirazin] How you doing, son? Ready for a fight today?

[Lucky] Course he is!

[Casphian] -stands up- I AM RADIANT!

-falls flat face-

[Doveyhunter] Himj on the ground makes him fair game, right?

[Lucky] Not on my insurance policy, he isn't. TOO BAD, HUH?

[Casphian] Too late to sign up?

[Lucky] Let's let Doveyhunter decide that.

-Doveyhunter rubs his hands together, as all goes black-...

[Pete] So... I guess I'll duel you t'morrow, k?

[Mirazin] No prob, dude.

[Pete] It'll be a shame killin' you.

[Mirazin] You seem like a nice guy. Cya!

-the next day-

[Pete] So here's the plan. Que James Bond music.

1. I fight Mirazin.

2. You guys keep getting more Narnians.

3. I send Lucky and Susin to find Aslan.

4. We will be betrayed, after I kill Mirazin.

[Edmuncher] How do you know that?

[Pete] I'm the king. I know everything.

5. Reepicheeper will poke badguy's eyes out.

6. I will sit on the toilet- WAIT? WAHH?

-Lucky giggles-

[Reepicheeper] Teeheehee

7. I will send Casphian after the girls if they don't come back in 5 minutes or start exploring dark alleyways.

[Lucky] But that's the fun part! :(

[Pete] Everybody got-dat?

[Mr. Tumness] Ahem, If you don't mind my cutting in...

[Lucky] BUT, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! YOU'RE DEAD! YOUR INSURANCE POLICY IS CANCELLED!

[Mr. Tumness] iT'S ME.

[LUCKY] LEAVE US, YOU SAVAGE BEAST! SICK 'IM, DOVEYHUNTER!

[Doveyhunter] Rawr.

[Tumness] Don't you remember me, Lucky? We were best friends!

[Lucky] Why do ya think I scared? :o

-TUMNESS FADES FROM THE STORY-

[Aslan] Tumness, please. Stop scaring the Pevensie children. I'm so sorry he came back to haunt you, Lucky.

[Lucky] Just remember, TUMNESS! YOU COME BACK, YOU PAY YOUR INSURANCE PREMIUMS!

[Tumness] -gets ready to charge as would a bull-

[Aslan] Break it up! We're not s'posed to even be in the story right now. THIS IS A KID'S STORY!

[Lucky] Yeah.. No monsters allowed.

-back to reality-

[Pete] TO BATTLE!

[Mirazin, Soapespian, and Gazelle] -get into basketball clothes, ready for a fight.-

[Mirazin] Come out, Narnians!

[Pete] HERE I COMEZ! -gets thrown to the ground-

[Mirazin] Who... are you?

[Pete(r)] I am Peter Parker, SPIDERMAN!

[Director] Dude, I said stage 6, not 16.

[Parker] Oh. Well, swing by later! -swoosh!-

[Pete] That... was weird. HERE I COMEZ! -gets thrown to the ground-

[Bear] Roar!

[Mirazin] Who... are you?

[Bear] I am whoever you want me to be. -sucks paws- I use my floppy fat to make funny noises and fight badguys!

[Mirazin] Have at thee, knave!

[Bear] -MEGA FLOP JUMP!-

[Edmuncher] Bear comes round, swings left, and OH! A MISS!

[Mirazin] You, bear, cannot beat my sword!

[Bear] AUGH! -jumps-

[Edmuncher] The bear senses danger! Looks like he'll do a FLOP, DROP, AND ROLL! looks EFFECTIVE!

[Mirazin] C. wouldn't be proud of you.

[Bear] -cries, and runs away-

[Pete] -gets up, and puts dentures back in mouth- Here... I come -DUCKS- AHH. YAY. THANK YOU. -gets up again-

[Mirazin] Come here, boy!

[Pete] LUCKY! SUSIN! GO GET ASLAN AND TRY NOT TO ATTRACT ATTENTION! Oh, and you didn't hear that, Mirazin.

[Mirazin] KK, buddy.

[Lucky and Susin run off, and try to find that party they were invited to by Aslan]

[Lucky] Aslan's directions say turn left at Archenland Drive. But... all that's there is 'Lead Filled Toys made in China Drive'. Of course, if we turn right, it'd be Archenland Drive. But that would be straying from the directions he gave us. Let's turn left.

[Susin] Hey, we can get stuff real cheap down here...

-15 mins later-

[Pete] -grabs cell phone and calls Lucky- Hey, you find Aslan yet?

[Lucky] Yup.

[Pete] Well... where are you guys right now?

[Lucky] The mall.

[Pete] What's Aslan doing in there?

[Lucky] I dunno. He was in a box and has 'Made in China' written underneath his stomach...

[Pete] You're lost, huh?

[Lucky] I guess.

[Pete] Casphian, DO YOUR THING!

[Casphian] -falls off horse due to cast-

[Pete] Hmmphrey. I have an idea!

-5 mins later-

[camera shows Casphian tied to back of horse being dragged towards Lucky and Susin]

[Casphian] OUCH, OUCH OUCH!

-to be continued-


	6. The adventure ends And a GPS misleads

-the doors of the mall are sealed shut, and the lights are turned dim. Susin and Lucky are locked in.-

[Susin] HEEELLP! WE'RE STUCK IN THE MALL!

[Lucky] Hey, I guess this means we own all this stuff, right?

[Susin] I love your twisted little mind. Where do they keep those over-the-top-expensive shoes that Lady Gaga wears?

[Lucky] -grabs speaker phone- BEHOLD, WE ARE COMMANDEERING THIS ESTABOLISHMENT!

-no answer-

[Lucky] See? They haven't a problem with it.

[Susin] OHMYGOSH!

[Lucky] OH NO! WHAT'S WRONG?

[Susin] Nothing. It's just so beautiful!

[Lucky] What... is ... that...?

[Susin] A Casphian fluff pillow! -snuggles-

[Lucky] You're weird, sir.

-Casphian's horse breaks through the window of the mall, and stopped suddenly.-

Casphian, of course, went flying.

[Casphian] I'm here to save you! -crash-

[Lucky] They sent a man in a full body cast to rescue two damsels in distress?

[Susin] -hides the pillow she was kissing-

[Casphian] Can you help me up? I can't feel my legs.

[Lucky] Look out, Comin through!

-Lucky comes through with an over sized forklift-

[Susin] Don't worry deary! You've rescued us!

[Casphian] You sure you didn't need that horn?

[Susin] Actually... that thing never worked anyways. It was a scam :P Hahah, pretty funny, huh?

[Casphian] ... Dr. Corn told me that three hundred dwarves's lives were cut short due to him trying to obtain your magic horn.

[Susin] ... *gigglesnort* HAHAHAHA! THAT'S THE BEST JOKE I'VE EVER PLAYED!

[Casphian] heh hehe hehahaHAHAHA!

[Lucky] OKAY now. Lemme through. Casphian, I suggest you stand still. Or, in your case, lie still.

-Lucky uses the forklift to, well, lift Casphian who is still covered in casts-

[Casphian] You are a good friend, Lucky.

[Lucky] -biggrin-

[Susin] Show off .

[Lucky] ...loser.

-the duel between Pete and Mirazin continues-

[Mirazin] Hey, wanna take a break?

[Pete] The duel hasn't even started. I popped a shoulder, remember?

[Mirazin] Oh, right. How'd that happen?

[Pete] after spider man and the bear hit me, a Griffin that was flying under the influence-crashed into me making me crash into a boulder.

[Mirazin] Today isn't your day, huh?

[Pete] No. Wanna be friends?

[Mirazin] Erm, well...

-face brightens up, as a dark corner of his life was painted a Cheery Blue color-

[Mirazin] Nobody's ever wanted to be my friend...

[Pete] Maybe that's cuz you smell like you haven't showered in 3 years.

[Mirazin] You GOTTA PROBLEM WITH THAT? -swings sword-

-Pete Dodges, crashing Edmuncher who was eating a boulder-Edmuncher starts spurting out chunks of boulder into the telmarine army, hitting Mirazin in the head. He's out cold-

[Soapespian] TREACHERY!

[Pete] Edmuncher, look what you've done!

[Edmuncher] Pete, look where you're going! .

THUS, THE GREAT BATTLE BEGINS!

[Doveyhunter] Meet my LEETLE FREND! -pops out claws-

-half the tellamarine army bunches to the river, fleeing in scared-ness-

[Tree 1] Hey, look at this!

[Tree 2] Well hello, lord Terriminionferiglith, Son of Ferrofil o' lithtomon! Hnad me some popcorn? -both watch the spectacle-

[Reepicheeper] NIBBLE SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUAK!

[Tellamarine 1] Hey, look! It looks like Matilda, my pet rat! HAHAH!

[Reepicheeper] -serious, man-voice- Hi. I have a sword.

[Tellamarine 1] HE TALKS! AND HE HAS A SWORD!

-other half of the Tellamarine army flees-

[Gazelle] We all have swords, you idiots!

[Tellamarine 1] BUT ARE WE 1 1/2 FEET TALL?

[Gazelle] -dead stare-

[Tellarmine 2] I think we should stand up for what we believe in, and FIGHT FOR WHAT IS OURS!

-tellamarine 2 charges towards reepicheeper-

[Reepicheeper] -FWIPE!-

-kerplop-

-tellamarine 2 goes down in history as the one dumb tellamarine that fought a talking mouse-

[Tellamarine 3] All in favor of following that guy?

-no hands are raised-

[Tellamarine army] AUGGGH! -jumps into the river-

[River God] Good morning, Bertha.

[River Goddess (Bertha)] Hey, look! Fast food!

[River God] And it's free! Rad!

-river gods feast on Tellamarines-

-Lucky stands on the other side with her dagger pulled, posing-

[Lucky] I somehow had direct influence on destroying the Tellamarine army.

[Pete] We won!

[Soapespian] Think again.

[Gazelle] Well, techincally, they still have an army and we don't.

[Soapespian] (whisper) we can't just surrender! what will mirazin say?

[Gazelle] I don't think we'll worry about Mirazin any longer.

-camera shows Doveyhunter licking his fingers, standing next to a meatless skeleton-

[Asham] You have all proved yourself worthy.

[Pete] Where you been? We could've used your help.

-Edmuncher balances Casphian up against a pillar-

[Susin] We even searched for you.

[Lucky] We purchased your merchandise! -squeezes toy asham- SQUEAK!

[Asham] Well, umm... I tried my best.

[Susin] what went wrong?

[Asham] I was stuck in that darn L.A. traffic. Californians...

[Pete] -kneels-

[Asham] There is no need to kneel to me.

[Pete] I'm tying my shoe...

[Asham] KNEEL, FOOLS! BEFORE I EATCHA!

lucky, susin, and edmuncher kneel.

Casphian pushes himself flat face in the sand.

[Asham] What... happened to Casphian? He was supposed to be the hero today.

[Casphian] RRRVrrfluggoshplortz.

[Asham] I can't understand a word you say.

[Casphian] RRRRouwwhmmsplot.

[Pete] -leans Casphian up-

[Casphian] -spits of dirt- I said, 'Ouch.'

[Asham] How did this happen?

[Doveyhunter] -blushes- I'm so happy you admire my work, sire. I-

-Asham turns Doveyhunter to stone-

[Gazelle] That's a little harsh, don't you think?

[Asham] I'm not a tame lion. Now, Kids. You'll want to go home, right?

[Susin] Wait a minute!

[Lucky] Yeah, wait for us.

-1 hour later-

[Lucky] Sorry about that. We had a bunch of stuff bagged up at the mall that Casphian couldn't carry.

-Casphian shows bruises of the horrifying weight of all the stuff they bought-

[Asham] ok. on the count of 3, say it with me.

'There's no place like Home'

and click your flip-flops.

[Lucky] -does a Flip, then a Flop for the heck of it-

[All] There's no place like home.

-click-

PPPOOOOFFFFF!

[Lucky] This doesn't look like home.

[Asham] Darn GPS. Hehe. I always have ti set for the gas station. Slow memory, lots of things to remember. They got good stuff here, though.

[Lucky] Oooh, these sandwiches look good! Anybody want one?

-all raise hands-

[Lucky] ...I'm not paying for them...

[Susin] Cancel my order.

-Asham disappears-

[Asham] -voice only- You must now say as follows. there's no place like home.

-all say-

The Pevensies are now back in the train station from whence they came.

[Geeky Kid] OH THANK GOODNESS!

[Susin] Oh. Hello.

[Geeky Kid] I have longed for you!

[Susin] Can't say the same. What's your name again?

-man walks by-

[Lucky] Hey, i didn't steal that guy's wallet! I think I've changed!

[Geeky Kid] Despite your family's track record. I must have you as my bride!

[Susin] Are you related to a guy named Casphian?

-Started out as a feelin'...

[Geeky Kid] I am whatever you wish me to be.

[Susin] You're amazing.

[Pete] I think I got scammed.

[Lucky] Whaddayamean?

[Pete] I was hardly even in the story. I barely got paid.

[Edmund] I was hardly in the story... I'm a millionaire.

[Lucky] Sounds like the director read 'Scams on Dummies'

[Pete] HEY!

This story is over. But, it is only the beginning of the adventure. Lunch comes next.

LUNCH!

-Narnia_fan12- -Cyclops- -Narnian1995- - different names, same author. I hope you enjoyed my fanfic! (you better've. I worked forever on this thing! o.O)


End file.
